Thursday, May 31, 2012

Never Thought "The Mall" Would Be The Answer

WARNING! This post will end with the word Duh. The duh is on my part. You will arrive at the answer long before I did, in no small part because the answer is in the title.

I'm a little guy. I'm small enough that I don't mind broadcasting my clothing size to whoever feels like reading this (and whoever feels like buying me clothes for Christmas!)

I have a 30" waist and a 30" inseam. Yea, verily, I tell you--I'm a square.

I need a new pair of dress slacks. I prefer wool as the fabric for my slacks, and I wear black dress slacks to work. I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to fabric, and I don't see Dockers as clothes to wear for dressy occasions. I don't look down my nose at those who do wear Dockers for dress pants, it's just not a choice I make. I wear twill pants as everyday pants.

It's not easy to find men's pants in a size 30x30. Yes--before the smartass in the third row can fire it off--I have shopped in the teen department. The problem is that the kids sizes have a kid-size zipper. I feel silly dropping trou when I step in front of a urinal, but none of the alternatives are pretty if I wear boy's pants. Zippers have teeth! They're called teeth for a reason. I screech like a little girl when my zipper's teeth take a hunk of anything off that I want left on. I like pants to fit in every way.

So... I've been trying to find pants--men's pants--in my size. I usually buy clothes at the VF store in the outlet mall. They have great deals at the outlet, and usually have my size in one store or another. However, the last time I was there on a quest for black pants, the only ones I found in my size were too pricey for me. They were top o' the line, and I don't need top o' the line or have money for top o' the line...and at my height, I can't reach the top of the line without a ladder! Ba-da-and-bump!

I used to work at a men's clothing store, and I wish that store was still open. There aren't many men's stores like that one left. It was a stand-alone store. There really aren't many of those, if any, in my immediate area.
For a while, I thought the solution would be for me to make my own pants. I'm capable of doing that, in case you didn't know. I already have a pattern, and I've made my own pants before. I was planning to go to JoAnn's tomorrow and buy some wool, a zipper, lining, pocketing fabric interfacing, etc. and spend a couple of days making myself some new pants.

Then I had this thought (and feel free to shout DUH from the back row. It's fine. I shouted it myself.)... The thought was:
If Only I Could Go To A Place With a Bunch Of Stores Together
but A Bigger Selection of Regular Merchandise...

It's called a Mall, Dave! A shopping mall. Bunch of stores, national stores, under one roof. A feller can park in one spot, browse several different stores, buy a burger, and look at pretty girls all under one roof, and without moving his car! I could even wander into Victoria's Secret and not bother pretending I'm looking for men's pants. Actually, it's best if I don't even think about my pants when I'm in Victoria's Secret, but I digress.

I haven't been in a mall for a long time, and I haven't shopped in a mall for clothes for a long time. I still know how they work, though, and I'm going to head to one on Friday morning.

Where does a little guy go to look for pants? The mall!


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