Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Key to Having Clean Underwear is... need to have lots of it.

Hello, my friend! Welcome to the Wonderful World of Guy Logic. This might be your first foray into the Wonderful World of Guy Logic, and if so, I bid you warm welcome. You might be an expert, or you might think the entire World of Guy Logic is a myth, or even an oxymoron. It's real.
     As a young executive fresh out of college, I found myself living on my own in a rented house with no washer and dryer. That meant regular trips to the laundromat, about once a week when I ran out of underwear. I don't enjoy trips to the laundromat. You sit around on plastic, waiting for some machine to finish its work so you can shove your stuff in another machine and wait for that machine.
   I had a solution, and my solution has its own logic.
   Underwear comes in packages of three. It's not very expensive. For the price of a McDonald's meal or two, you can buy 6 pairs of Fruit of the Loom briefs.
   ...Actually, for the price of washing and drying a load of whites at a laundromat, you can buy 6 pairs of underwear. What's a guy to do?
Ta da! Got the answer yet? Do you really need me to give it to you?

Own a LOT of underwear!

   I had been in the working world, on my own, for three years before I met the woman who became my wife, got married, and had a house and a washing machine. By then the die was cast... I had 60 pairs of underwear. (And a dozen or so white dress shirts, but that's a topic for another day.) 
   There are some side benefits to having a lot of underwear. Not only did I only need to do laundry six times a year, my cost per pair of clean underwear was really low! Divide the cost of one load of laundry by three pairs of briefs, and it's expensive! But if you divide the cost of one load of 60 pairs of Fruit of the Looms, and you're talking pennies! Frugality, baby!
   Sure, some of you are laughing! But you'll laugh with the other cheeks if you're in an accident and need a clean pair of underwear. With 60 pairs of underwear, you don't have room in your drawers. Like me, you'll keep a pair or two in the glove box of your car, you know, just in case.
   I got in the doghouse a little bit early on in our marriage. My wife asked me to do some laundry--I'm enlightened; in this household, I'm the laundry guy--because she was out of underwear.
   "Out of underwear?" I asked, puzzled. "How did that happen?"
    She said it was because I hadn't done laundry in a month.

So... I went out and bought her a lot of new underwear. Guy logic.

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