Monday, February 20, 2012

Superman had Kryptonite, Indiana Jones Hated Snakes, and I...

...can't handle...vinegar.

Most of the time, I can't smell. It's called anosmia--lacking a sense of smell--and I've written about that before. It's actually kind of nice, given the number of things that don't smell good.

But there's one thing I can smell, and I loathe it. Vinegar. There's no smell in the world quite like it and I hate it. My facial muscles go into a dance that would make you think I have thirteen demons under the skin and they're clutching their bellies in laughter.

I have good reason to hate vinegar, though it served me well once. When I was in high school and was close to winning the children's storytelling category at a forensics meet, I lost my voice. I had laryngitis and I used nine or ten different voices in my story. After the semi-final round I could barely squeak.

Someone said gargling vinegar would give me my voice back. I was desperate. On our lunch break, I went to a local grocery store and bought some vinegar. In a stall in the bathroom of the high school, I took a swig of the stuff, let it bubble around my throat for as long as I could stand it...and puked my guts out.

I got a trophy. First place, I think. It worked. I got my voice back temporarily. I also got a life-long loathing of vinegar of any kind. That stuff is Pure-D, Grade-A evil.

Unfortunately for me, it's also what I use to clean my coffee pot. I have to clean the coffee pot today. The Pause & Serve feature has lost its pause. It has taken to messing with me--pausing just long enough for me to think it's safe to use, and then hissing all over my counter. I should know better, but this isn't about that.

Gotta do it. I have to clean the coffee maker if I want to get any writing done today. So, I'll do it the way I always do. I'm going to take the coffee maker and the vinegar to our covered porch, plug it in out there, push "start" and run into the house. Wish me luck! 

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