I could resist no more... I fired the fountain pen.

I don't mean I fired it the way a boss fires an employee. What I mean is that I weaponized it.

   Just like the old Three Stooges bit, I unscrewed the pen. I had recently filled it. I slid the plunger mechanism forward.

   Yeah, boy howdy! A fine stream of black ink shot out. There was a lot more ink in that pen than I thought. I'm glad I aimed it at a piece of paper on a typing stand two feet away.

   I am sorry to report, however, that the above is all I have to report.

   When I improve my distance and accuracy, I'll let you know!